


I've Given Everything

by writedeku



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Captain America Civil War - Freeform, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony Stark, Just angst, M/M, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, a lil bit of bucky hate, i love bucky but tony, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 22:38:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5309675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writedeku/pseuds/writedeku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony never wanted to fight. He never wanted to fight his friends, to know what sound Steve made when he was hit with a repulsor blast from Tony's own armor. He never wanted to- and now everything he ever loved, ever wanted, ever had, was burning on the pyre in front of him, and he could not do anything but watch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Given Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. CACW broke my stevetony heart, it really did, so i am out to break more. Wahaha. This is all speculation, and a lil bit is taken from the comics. Those large chunks of text are flashbacks.

 There are whispers from the walls that surround Tony Stark _. Look who's digging their own grave; you'll drink yourself to death._

The walls are laughing now. Tony Stark downs his sixth shot of whiskey and glares at them, hating the way their laughter rattled around his empty brain. "Stop it," he slurs, waving his hands about as if to swat a fly. "Stop it now."

The walls laugh harder, a pulse beating on Tony's head, and he gives up, resigning himself to their cruel giggles and mean words. 

You've lost the one person who kept you good, the walls leer and murmur. You're on the wrong track. 

He holds his head in his hands and asks himself, "When did things go so spectacularly wrong?"

**XxX**

_"Jarvis," Tony starts, hands flying over the complex piece of machinery in front of him. "What am I making?"_

_"A coffee machine sir," Jarvis helpfully supplies. "You started five hours and sixteen minutes ago."_

_Tony stops and stares at the parts in his hands. "Why am I giving a coffee machine thruster technology?"_

_"You said, and I quote, "I never want to be without coffee anymore, so fuck if I'm not letting it fly."."_

_Tony frowns at his half assembled coffee machine before shrugging and continuing. "That's a very good idea," he says, and then the workshop doors hiss open and Steve walks in, hands in the pockets of his worn out sweatpants._

_"What are you making now?" Steve asks, his hair wet and sticking to his forehead. "Please don't tell me it's about to start world war three."_

_"It's a coffee machine, Steve," Tony snorts, just as the half-finished coffee machine whirrs and shoots a gear at him. "Okay, a coffee machine with an attitude problem. I'm working on it."_

_"You made a coffee machine sentient?"_

_"Think of it, never be without coffee ever. On the go. Wherever you want," Tony speaks faster with every word until the ending is just an incoherent mess of noise. "Whenever you want. And it remembers how you like your coffee. Endless coffee. God, I love coffee."_

_"How much caffeine are you on now?" Steve replies, amused, slipping into the seat beside him. "And how long has it been since you slept? Or ate, for that matter."_

_"I don't know," he waves grease stained hands in what he assumed was the general vicinity of Steve. "Sleep is for the weak."_

_"It's been twenty eight hours and forty minutes since Sir has last slept," Jarvis comes on. "Ignoring his five minute sleep or you die comatose state on the kitchen floor. He's had his seventh cup of coffee since six in the morning today and he hasn't eaten in twelve hours and fourteen minutes. If you wouldn't mind, Captain, it would be immensely beneficial for you to remove Sir from his workshop immediately."_

_Tony points a screwdriver at the ceiling. "That's betrayal that is, how dare you, I made you, I made you and this how you repay me? I, I'm speechless, you were my friend, how you can hurt me like this?"_

_"Captain," Jarvis says, sounding tired. Steve wonders if it was possible for an AI to be tired. "Please consider my advice very carefully."_

_"Got you, Jarvis," Steve laughs, and lands a firm yet gentle hand on Tony's shoulder. "Up, we're getting food and sleep."_

_"If I leave the coffee machine with an attitude problem it make try to take over the world, do you want that?" Tony now points the screwdriver at him. "If my coffee machine decides to go Terminator it's on you."_

_"I'm sure your coffee machine will be fine," Steve grins. "Jarvis will look after it, won't you?"_

_"Of course."_

_"There you go," Steve pulls at him again. "Now get up."_

_"You don't have to fuss over me," Tony grumbles, but he stands. "I'm fine."_

_"It's my job to fuss over you, or else nothing would ever get done."_

_"Everything would get done you ass," Tony stumbles, but rights himself. "I want Chinese. Can we have Chinese? Actually, wait no, you know their Singapore noodles? I've been to Singapore. No such noodles exist. They're lying to us," Tony rants. "Let's get Mexican instead. Do you like tacos? Wait, is Barton home? If Barton's home I'm not going down."_

_"Tony?" Steve says, now understanding how it was possible for an AI to get tired. "Please slow down."_

_"Right," Tony amends. "We're getting Mexican, and if Barton is downstairs we're going out."_

_"Whatever you want," Steve laughs. "I've time."_

**XxX**

Steve Rogers stares at his computer screen in what is a mixture of disgust and pain. He took Sam's advice and bugged Tony's apartment, and how he's watching what usually was the world's most charming and composed man fall apart, the table top littered with empty bottles and spilled alcohol. 

"Why does everything have to be so goddamn hard?" The man in the screen yells, taking his fist and smashing it into a window. He stares at the blood dripping down his hand in silence, before whirling around and glaring at nowhere in particular. 

"Stop fucking laughing!" He screams, but Steve can't tell what's laughing at him. Tony is alone in the room. "Stop it now!"

Steve slams the laptop shut and feels sick. He turns to see Bucky Barnes standing in the doorway, a worried expression on his face. "Are you okay?" He asks, even though it's Steve who should be asking him that. 

"I'm fine," Steve lies, his blue eyes perpetually overcast with a mixture of anger and heartbreak. "You should get some sleep."

Bucky ignores his words and takes a seat opposite him. They're hiding in shield's twenty third safehouse, one that was known only to Nick Fury. "Did Tony mean a lot to you?"

Steve starts, the question unexpected. "No," he says, and his voice hardens with every syllable. "He was a colleague."

Bucky scans his face for a moment before nodding slightly. "If that's what you say," he replies, unconvinced. He looks at him the way he used to when Steve was trying to convince him he was alright, he wasn't about to die from coughing, stop fussing. "But that's not all there is to it, is there? Was Tony Stark a good person?"

Steve looks down at the table and doesn't answer. Eventually, Bucky gets up and claps him on the shoulder before going back into his makeshift bedroom. 

Steve covers his face in his hands and re-opens the computer. 

**XxX**

_"Fuck me in the fucking asshole," Tony screams as a building narrowly scrapes him. "Jesus Christ."_

_"I...I don't even," Steve sighs loudly into the comms. "I don't think even reminding you to watch your language could cover that."_

_"Did a building miss you by two centimetres, Captain? Did it? Cause if it did, well, then your point is surely valid, but it didn't, so don't tell me to watch my language because I nearly ended up a Tony Stark pancake, which would've been devastating I'm sure. Also very painful. And very dead."_

_"Is the thing dead at least?"_

_"Deader than roast chicken," Clint Barton confirms, poking one of the alien's eyes with a broken arrow. "Speaking of roast chicken, I could go for some dinner now. Who is hungry?"_

_Steve manages to corner Tony just as he’s about to fly off under the pretence of getting dinner. “You should head over to medical,” he frowns. “I saw that thing get you.”_

_“I’m fine, Captain,” Tony snorts and steps backwards, still wearing the armour. “I am fine.”_

_“Take off the suit.”_

_“You asking me to strip? People will talk, you know.”_

_“Tony, take off the suit,” Steve has that glint in his eyes that says if he doesn’t follow orders he would probably try to rip it off._

_He sighs and steps out of the armour- and immediately falls onto Steve. “Ow.”_

_“Tony!” Steve admonishes as he half carries, half drags the man over to the medical side. “When you’re hurt, you go to medical.”_

_“I’m fine,” he hisses. “It’s just a scratch.”_

_“Your entire leg is covered in blood, stupid,” Steve grunts as he heaves Tony up onto a counter. “And I am pretty sure there’s a chunk of metal stuck inside.”_

_“Why do you care?”_

_“Because I’m your friend, Tony,” Steve looks up at him with bright eyes and a small smile. “It is what friends do. Now you sit there, get it removed, and come back healed, or I will handcuff you to a stretcher, understand?”_

_“I am kinkshaming you, Captain,” Tony looks like he’s about to stick out his tongue, but then he sighs and relents. “Fine.”_

_“Good. I’ll come back to check on you in a bit,” Steve smiles again._

**XxX**

"Captain," Tony removes his face mask, a little smug at having found out their hiding place. "You're a little defensive."

"Well, it's been a long day," Steve grits out. "What do you want?"

"To arrange a parley," Tony replies, tilting his head slightly. Long ago, that tilt would've been endearing, but now it's annoying. "You and me."

Steve glances behind to look at Bucky, who is watching his back as always, a sniper rifle in his hands, before turning back. "Why is that?"

He knows all that Tony's been up to. Convincing the public that registration is right- hell, even halfway convincing Steve, that silver-tongued devil, but at night coming home to a dark apartment and a thousand bottles of beer on the wall. 

"Because I don't want to fight," Tony replies, his voice heavy and pathetic. "A parley. You and me, tomorrow, twenty-two hundred hours. SHIELD safehouse nineteen."

"What do you want to do?" Steve asks, Bucky shaking his head no and Sam crossing his arms, looking at him murderously. 

Tony sounds more broken than ever. "We're going to negotiate the most perfect diplomatic treaty regarding registration ever to be seen by man."

"Why?"

"So I won't have to say I didn't try. So long, Captain," Tony offers, as he walks back the way he came. "Please turn up; it'd be embarrassing and rather damaging to my reputation if you didn't."

"Don't you go," Bucky warns, hands on his hips. His hair falls in his face. "You can't trust him."

Steve stares at the empty spot where Tony had been. "There was a time I'd trust Tony Stark with my life, Buck. I owe it to him."

**XxX**

_“You got me a stuffed bear?” Tony laughs, looking at the bear in his hands. “Why?”_

_“It’s your birthday,” Steve smiles and claps him on the shoulder. “You get presents for people on their birthdays. What are you gonna name it?”_

_“His name is…” Tony trails off. “He’s Q.”_

_“Q?”_

_“Yeah. Like Quartermaster, from James Bond. He’ll be my Quartermaster, and we’ll take over the world together,” Tony laughs._

_“Do me a favour,” Steve says seriously. “Don’t make it sentient. Your coffee machine keeps shouting at me to not put sugar in my coffee. I like sugar in my coffee.”_

_Tony laughs again. “I won’t,” he grins and sets the bear down on a miraculously clean part of his workshop._

_“That’s not your only present,” Steve grins, inches away from Tony. “There’s more.”_

_“Oh?” Tony raises his eyebrows and looks at Steve suspiciously. “You’ve got that smile again. I don’t like that smile.”_

_Steve smiles innocently, before reaching out and pulling Tony into a hug. Tony is stunned for a moment before awkwardly patting Steve’s back. “Um.”_

_“Relax, you idiot,” Steve laughs, and Tony can feel the vibrations in his chest. “Don’t you know how to hug?”_

_“In theory, yes,” Tony mumbles, but he adjusts his arms and lies there. Steve is like a teddy bear, warm and safe and secure. He doesn’t want to let him go._

**XxX**

SHIELD safehouse nineteen was an unassuming magazine store that'd been closed since forever. Old flyers littered the floor outside; ads were pasted all over the front door and windows. 

However the inside was extremely modern and up to date, with electric lights, tables, chairs, and computers.

Tony is early for the first time in his life. He sits at a metal table and clasps his hands together. He's wearing his best suit, complete with a red tie and a waistcoat, but he knows the effect will be lost on Steve. 

The walls here speak too; he can hear their words like the poison in his blood. They mock his love and his sorrows and he takes those words and holds it till his hands bleed. Nothing can hate himself more than he did.

Steve shows up exactly on the dot, blonde hair wet and dark with the downpour outside. Tony can remember when he had looked at him with the same wet hair, but his eyes had been bright and there was laughter. The rain is loud on the metal roof. Tony opens the door for him and ushers him inside. 

Steve sits opposite him and looks at him through miles of wrath. "You wanted to talk, so talk."

Tony nearly flinches at his tone. "Right. I don't want to physically fight, Steve, so I thought we'd discuss this, like the adults we're supposed to be. What do you not like about registration?"

Steve actually snorts at that. "What do I not like about registration? It stands for everything we said we wouldn't do,  _Stark_." 

Steve said his name like a curse, and Tony supposed it was. "The supers don't have to come out to the public. All it needs is for the supers to register their name and alias with the government."

"You're going to take away their freedom. What if that information is leaked?"

"I'll give it everything I got," Tony grinds out. His eyes look like broken fairy lights. "We'll protect it better than my arc reactors."

Steve looks at him bitterly. "What if HYDRA gets to it?"

"If we can't accept limitations, we're no better than the bad guys."

"That's not the way I see it."

"What if we don't register? What if another incident like Ultron happens? The public wants to know their safe- from both the supers and the villains. What if a super goes rogue? How are you going to take charge?" Tony actually slams his hand down on the table. "This isn't nineteen forty-five anymore, Steve! This is the twenty-first century and you can bet your shield that things CHANGED, and they will keep changing!"

"Ultron happened because of _you_ ," Steve seethes. "The people who died- that's all on you."

"And I don't want it to happen again!" Tony roars and stands up, metal chair dragging against the linoleum floor. "It  _won't_  happen again! You think I'd be doing this because I didn't believe in it?"

"Do you?" Steve asks, his voice like razors. "Do you truly believe in it?"

That stuns Tony into silence. "Look at you," Steve gestures at him. "I doubt you've been taking in anything but whiskey and gin. Have you even been sleeping?"

Tony grits his teeth. "Sometimes I want to punch you right in your perfect teeth. It's none of your business."

"You don't want to go and you don't want to stay," Steve continues. "So what's left to say? I chose the lonely path. It's the right path."

"We used to be friends, you used to trust me," Tony folds his arms across his chest and leans back against the wall. "What changed?"

"We might as well be strangers for all I know of you now," Steve shoots back. "I never really trusted you."

"Bullshit!" Tony shouts. "You're fucking blind! You're blind to anyone but that  _feral_ thing you've dragged from HYDRA, you son of a bitch!" 

"You don't say a word about Bucky!" Steve actually throws the table, it flies and hits the window, shattering it into a million pieces. "You don't get that privilege!"

"You want a war?" Tony asks quietly, his voice deadly calm. "You've fucking got one. Captain America, the man who abhors war can't live without it, can you?"

The words take a minute to register, and then Steve's eyes go dark with rage and he lunges. Tony had just rolled out of the way when the remaining windows shatter, and Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes topple in. The Winter Soldier looks at him as if he purposely assaulted his cat.

"What?" Steve looks bewildered, his anger abruptly cut. "What're you doing here?"

"What's going on?" Tony uses his most authoritative voice, the one he uses on difficult employees and people he wants to listen to him. It actually gets the three of them to look at him. "I said you and me, Steve. I said a parley, you lying, scheming _bastard_!"

Bucky flies at him and socks him across the jaw, and Tony flies into a metal cabinet. 

"No!" Steve says shrilly. "What are you doing?"

Tony stands up painfully, his jaw feeling dislocated and looks at all of them, Bucky being held back by Sam and Steve looking at the two of them with a mixture of betrayal and anguish. "Let it be said I kept my word," he seethes. "For the lonely path _Captain_ , you're having a rather nice time."

Then he turns and walks out of the room. 

**XxX**

_Tony could see the blast coming like it was in slow motion. It was going to hit Steve- it was going to hit Steve, and even with his healing ability and his extraordinary luck, he would not make it._

_It takes a second for Tony to decide what to do, then he’s in front of Steve, and it hits him instead. The armour crushes like tinfoil, and he thinks he’s screaming- but then everything goes a merciful shade of black._

_He wakes in a hospital- SHIELD medical, he would know those lights anywhere. When he coughs, someone stands up so abruptly beside him the metal chair falls over. “Tony,” the person breathes, and he knows who it is immediately._

_“Tony, oh god, Tony,” Steve babbles. “What the fuck were you thinking? You could’ve died, you could’ve never woken up, oh my god, Tony Stark, don’t you ever do that again.”_

_“Language,” Tony smiles painfully, and Steve is stunned for a moment before laughing and shaking his head as he presses the nurse call button._

_“You’re an idiot,” Steve grins and runs a hand through Tony’s hair. “You’re a total idiot. Don’t you do that again, you hear me?”_

_“Aye, Captain,” Tony replies, but it is an empty promise and they both know that. “But if I can save your gigantic ass, I’d do it again.”_

**XxX**

"What the hell happened to your mouth?" Pepper asks, raising her eyebrows and gently taking his face into her hands. 

Tony shrugs and pushes her away. "I fell into a cabinet."

"You  _fell_  into a cabinet?" Pepper repeats, her voice filled with disbelief. "Seriously."

"Nah," Tony says and takes a long sip of whiskey. "I was experimenting with the suit and it kinda went wrong."

Pepper laughs and hits him with the the papers in her hand. "You're an idiot. Listen, you've got a press conference about registration at twelve today," and here she pauses and eyes him critically. "You look like a mess. Have you slept at all?"

"Everyone keeps asking me that," Tony grumbles. "I sleep fine."

"Sure you do," Pepper replies sarcastically. "Here are some papers to sign. Twelve, at Stark Industries HQ. Don't be late."

Tony's head thuds onto the table as Pepper leaves. It's such an effort to make it look like he's okay with having things turn out this way. He wishes someone would come over and give him a hug and ask him if he's alright- then he immediately pinches himself because he's Tony fucking Stark and there will be no chick flick moments in his office. 

It's only after an hour that Tony realises he isn't alone in the room. He does everything someone being stalked in his office would do- he turns off the cameras and draws down the blinds. And then he puts on AC/DC's Highway to Hell. 

_Livin' easy_

_Lovin' free_

"I know you're there," he says aloud. "You gonna come out?"

There's silence, but then someone moves in the shadows and Bucky appears as quickly as he wasn't there. It's quite unnerving. 

"Oh," Tony says, pouring yet another glass of whiskey. "It's you. I thought I would have to call my suit. Want one?"

Bucky stands motionless, and Tony shrugs. "Suit yourself. That shirt doesn't go with the shoes, by the way."

Bucky glances down at his attire, which is a ugly blue jacket with a red shirt and a hat. If he's going for inconspicuous, it's pretty far off. 

_Don't need reason_

_Don't need rhyme_

Tony drinks, before raising an eyebrow. "What're you doing here? Best friend for ever  _ever_  know you're here?"

Bucky rolls his shoulders uncomfortably. "Steve's not in a good place."

"Steve hasn't been in a good place since you came out of the shadows and decide to fuck up a perfectly good arrangement," Tony says viciously. "Your point?"

Bucky growls low under his throat. He looks like a wild dog, but Tony can see kindness and loyalty beneath the anger. Perhaps that's why Bucky antagonises him so much- he reminds Tony of himself. "What were you to Steve?"

Tony has to look twice at Bucky before he realises it's a legitimate question. "Best friend for ever ever not answering your questions? Does that  _sting_?"

"He has his reasons," Bucky refuses to get angry, which is a real shame. "I want to know. There's a lot I don't know."

"He was my friend," Tony says dramatically, throwing his arms wide. "We worked together, sacrificed our lives for each other, saved the world together, you know, the usual, best buddies type of  _friendship_."

Bucky raises an eyebrow. "Were you two lovers?"

"You're awfully unconcerned for someone who is supposed to have period typical homophobia," Tony tries his best to antagonise the former assassin; he's spoiling for a fight. "But god no, we were never lovers, thank you very much."

"Then what were you?"

"You can Google it."

"What's Google?"

Tony sighs. "Get out of my office, Barnes."

"No. You're not going to pass the registration laws."

"And why won't I? Besides, it's not my decision."

"Because we're going to win."

"You're going to start a civil war, you idiot," Tony groans. "You're going to ruin the world because the two of you can't let go."

"I do not see what Steve saw in you," Bucky returns. "You're vile. He should've hated you."

The anger shoots up so fast that the next few seconds pass in a blur, and it's only after a hard blink that he realises he's holding Bucky by the collar. "You're right," he says, deadly calm. "You're absolutely right. That country loving patriot should have absolutely  _loathed_  me."

"But you know what," he continues. "He didn't. And that was the strangest thing. I thought the gods were doing me a service. Now I know why, though. The gods didn't give me Steve Rogers to be kind, they were kind to be cruel," he snarls. "They gave me someone I would change myself for and then they turned it against me."

"Guess what though, Barnes," and now he leans in close, smiling garishly. Bucky actually looks frightened, even though without his armour and back-up Bucky could probably kick his ass. "No one can hate me more than myself, so I'm covered- no one can use that weakness against me. Now get your lily-white ass out of my office or I'm going to actually kill you, then drag your dead corpse to Steve's feet with a note saying you came to me, got it?"

"That's a terrible song anyway," Bucky shrugs and carefully steps back. He looks over Tony once before shaking his head and opening a window. "You're going to lose."

"AC/DC is a classic!" Tony shouts after him as he leaps down, hoping he doesn't survive the fall. "You have no style!”

**XxX**

_"What do you think?" Tony asks, gesturing to the object on the table. "More red, or more gold?"_

_Steve glances at it. "Seriously?"_

_"Hey," he admonishes him. "Aesthetic is very important when fighting an evil alien. Now, more red or gold?"_

_"Uh," Steve stammers. "Ever thought of blue?"_

_Tony makes a face. He's covered in oil, grease and what Steve thinks is red paint, but looks positively attractive. "I'm not a walking flag, Steve. That's your job."_

_"Fine, more gold," he relents, gesture vaguely at the mask. "In fact, paint the whole thing gold as a sort of throwback to the good ol' days, shellhead."_

_Tony sprays him with the gold paint. "We said never to speak of that time, you dick," but he's laughing and it's a symphony all on its own. "I'm going to give it more red. What do you think, Dummy?"_

_The robot whirrs and points to a purple paint bucket that Tony has no idea as to how it got there. "Absolutely not."_

_"You don't trust me?" Steve dramatically puts a gold hand over his heart. "I'm offended."_

_"Bullshit," Tony laughs as he begins to artfully spray his new suit. "Your sense of style just isn't there, Captain.”_

_"What do you mean my sense of style isn't there," Steve practically pouts. "It's very good."_

_"You wore star spangled tights, may I remind you? Tights."_

_"I looked good in them, though."_

_"You did," Tony admits. "But then again you'd look good in anything, wouldn't you, mister perfect?"_

_"Damn straight," Steve nods, satisfied. "I'd even look good in that ugly gold suit of yours."_

_Tony dumps the bucket of red paint on Steve's head. "You take that back!"_

_Red paint slowly makes its way down Steve's face, and he wipes it off with a rag that's handily hanging on the corner of a desk._

_He pauses for a moment, before nonchalantly picking up the bucket of gold paint and sloshing it all over Tony._

_"Asshole!" Tony screeches and busts out a bucket of blue paint. "You're getting it now."_

_Steve bursts into laughter as the workshop becomes an all out paint war, covering the walls and even Tony's new suit in a rainbow of colours._

_"What are you doing?" Coulson snaps as he steps into the workshop, a bit of paint sliding unfortunately off the table and landing on his dress shoes._

_"Productive work sir," Tony says, putting his hand up in a mock salute. "Always happy to paint for the nation."_

_Steve bursts into laughter._

**XxX**

"Now, we fight," Steve says, and then they're running, running and meeting each other in the middle, friends turned enemies. 

Natasha takes on Clint and distantly Tony remembers little Nathaniel, doesn't want Clint to die, doesn't want anyone to die. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. This is just like his nightmare, watching everyone die because of him.

Steve takes him and Tony flies off to a distant, abandoned building, forcing Steve to run after him. 

Tony gets him in the face first, and keeps on punching him until Bucky shows up and throws him into a wall. "Why are you fighting? Why?"

"You know I wouldn't do this if I didn't have a choice," Steve says, voice tired. A large bruise is forming beneath his eyes and his mouth is swollen. "But he's my friend."

The words hit Tony like a steam train, and he wants to curl up on himself and just stare at a wall until he died. Obadiah Stane was his friend too- and look what had happened. He still has a scar from the Iron suit he'd made. His dad had been his friend- till he'd crumbled in on himself and rebuilt himself with alcohol, never spending time with his son anymore. Ho Yinsen had been his friend, and he was dead too. And Rhodey- he was out there, fighting for Tony. What if something happened to him?"

"So was I," he whispers, glad that the mask conceals his face, glad that the mask hides how much he wants to cry. "But I guess that means nothing. Too much to hope for, right?"

Steve's eyes actually widen, but then Bucky smacks Tony in the face with a roundhouse kick and the fight resumes.  

Tony is angry. He's angrier than he's ever been, there's a pit in his stomach, his face hurts and he's pretty sure he's broken a few ribs. But most of all, he's so, so tired. 

Now he doesn't hold back. He hits Bucky in the face with his laser and watches with a sick satisfaction as Bucky howls and staggers back. Steve gets him in the arm with his shield for that, and the armour is dented. 

At one point, Bucky goes for his arc reactor and tries to pry it out with his brute strength. He's more animal than ever now, and it almost works, but then Tony directs all energy to his middle and burns off his eyebrows. 

 "Shall I give you a lesson in electricity," Tony taunts. "For example, did you know metal conducts electricity?" Tony reaches out and grabs Bucky's metal arm, sending a current up his arm and reducing Bucky to a convulsing mess until Steve starts to crush his legs together. 

 _Armour damage sixty five percent,_ Friday warns. _Sixty five percent._

"I hate you," Tony howls as he grabs Steve and throws him into a wall, even as Bucky recovers and punches Tony in the head, causing him to see stars. "Why can't you just see I'm trying to protect you?"

"And I'm the king of Britain," Steve snorts, and Tony gets him in the middle. 

"They're never going to stop-" he's cut off by Steve slamming his shield into Tony's arc reactor and his whole body shudders. Tony grabs the shield and throws it off the building. "They're never going to stop coming for you, don't you see? You're public enemy number one. Even if you kill me- which I assure you won't be devastating; you're going to win nothing! You're going to be hunted and kept in prisons! You're going to be kept, Steve! You're  _never_  going to win!"

"At least I got to kill you first," Bucky snarls and goes at him again. 

Tony grunts as Bucky's metal arm pumps into his face over and over again. He's broken his nose now. 

_Armour damage at seventy five percent._

Tony throws him off the building and hopes he stays down. 

"Buck!" Steve screams as Bucky tumbles towards the ground, but he's caught by Sam at the last minute.

"How dare you?" Steve asks, voice tumultuous with betrayal. "How  _dare_  you?"

"You're the one making it difficult!" Tony yells.

Steve jumps him and begins to rip off the armour. "You're as bad as HYDRA," Steve seethes. "You're as bad as them all!"

"I know," Tony laughs, now he's laughing and he can't stop, it's hollow and painful and hurts his ears. "I know!"

Tony activates his thrusters and shoots Sam down, blowing a hole through his wings with his last missile. Steve screams again, as Sam tumbles to the ground- but Wanda catches him just before he hits the ground. 

"I'm a monster," Tony wheezes as he re-lands in front of Steve. "I'm a complete monster, so what're you going to do about it?"

"Now?" Steve asks, his voice disbelieving, as if he can't believe Tony has the nerve to ask. As if he doubts there would be a later. "Now I'm going to beat you bloody."

Everything hurts. His face, his arms, his legs. Everything hurts. He can hear Friday's repeated warnings, armour damage, lung damage, damage damage damage, but he can't care, he can't care anymore. 

He welcomes the pain, likes the way it pours down his throat and sets him on fire, the walls all chant monster, look out, he's got the devil in him.

Distantly Steve screams, "why won't you fight back, hit me, dammit!"

Tony gurgles and can't speak through the blood, so he doesn't, just lets it come, he feels his bones crack and feels a dim fire of satisfaction. 

Then everything's gone. 

**XxX**

He wakes to the sound of beeping. Everything's white, and it takes a second for his eyes to adjust to the brightness. 

No one sits beside him, so he sits up and slams the panic button, which causes about six or seven nurses to run in, and then they're checking everything, "do you remember what happened?"

"I was being hit," Tony replies, monotonously, his voice hoarse from disuse. "It was a fight."

"You've been in a coma for three months," one of them says. "Your friends were very worried."

Tony can't find it in him to say thanks. "Where's Steve?" He asks instead, and all the nurses look at him in surprise.

"Who's Steve?"

Tony stares.

**XxX**

Life in the Avengers tower again is different and much more difficult. Clint and Natasha made up almost immediately, with Natasha smacking Clint on the head with a newspaper and going, “god, I hate you.”

The rest didn’t come so easily.

Everything was tense, and cold. Clint no longer cooked dinner on weekends, and if he did, no one was around to eat it. Steve no longer admonished them to pick up after themselves. Tony stopped fixing everyone’s armour. Thor never came around anymore.

“There’s a war coming,” the holographical picture of Nick Fury glares up at all of them. “There’s a goddamn war coming, and I expect my team to recover from whatever the hell that bitch fight was and be a team. A fucking workable team.”

“Yes sir,” Steve says, slowly. The rest do not bother to reply.

Fury doesn’t even grace them with a goodbye, he just leaves, and the whole room is thrown into darkness again.

“Is everyone up for training?” Steve asks, trying his best to sound upbeat, but the team- what was once a team, trickles out of the room slowly.

“Don’t bother, Captain,” someone says in the background as they pass Steve. “Stop trying.”

Steve watches everyone leave and wishes he could fix things.

"Captain," Tony taps his feet and stands in front of him. The room is empty. "Got a bone to pick with you."

Steve inwardly winces and turns to face the man who he just three months about nearly killed. "Yes?"

"First, you've got to stop avoiding me, it's obvious and annoying, and it's really a pain in the ass when I sit down for dinner and you get up," Tony folds his arms across his chest. "Second, why did you stop?"

"Stop?"

"No one tells me what happened after," Tony stares fixedly at a point above his head. "So you're going to tell me. What the hell happened? You were supposed to win."

"SHIELD personnel showed up," Steve shrugs. "They held me back. Bucky was down. I surrendered. That's it."

"And now?"

"Now what?"

"Now you're acting like nothing's fucked up, nothing's wrong, lets train my ass. What are you playing at? And how the _hell_ did non-superpowered SHIELD personnel hold you back?"

"We're a team. I was tired."

"We _were_ a team," Tony offers, hesitating slightly before walking out of the room. "And I do believe "were" is the keyword here."


End file.
